"Sometimes
when I reflect back on all the wine I drink
I feel shame. Then I look into
the glass and think
about the workers in the vineyards and all of their hopes
and dreams. If I didn't drink this wine, they might be out
of work and their dreams would be shattered.
Then I say to myself, "It is
better that I drink this wine and let their
dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
~ Jack Handy
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they
happened to your bra and panties.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher,"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you."24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing."When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk,
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy."Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Without
question, the greatest invention in the
history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the
wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does
not go nearly as well with pizza."
~ Dave Barry
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them."To some it's a six-pack, to me it's a Support Group.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And saving the best for last, as explained by
Cliff Clavin, of Cheers.
One
afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining
the Buffalo Theory
to his buddy
Norm.
Here's how it went:,
"Well
ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only
move as
fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted,
it is
the
slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This
natural
selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the
general speed and health
of the whole group keeps improving by
the
regular killing of the weakest members.
In much the same way, the
human brain can only operate as fast
as the slowest
brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol,
as we know, kills brain cells.
But
naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this
way,
regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker
brain cells,
making the brain
a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(email 2006 Mar Steve M)
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