[JS May 2001: An old email found while cleaning emails.)
Lawyers typically aren't funny -- unless by accident.
Case in point: The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide...
1. | Was that the same nose you broke as a child? | |
2. | Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning? | |
3. | Q. | What happened then? |
A. | He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' | |
Q. | Did he kill you? | |
4. | Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war? | |
5. | The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he? | |
6. | Were you alone or by yourself? | |
7. | How long have you been a French Canadian? | |
8. | Do you have any children or anything of that kind? | |
9. | Q. | I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture. |
A. | That's me. | |
Q. | Were you present when that picture was taken? | |
10. | Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? | |
11. | Q. | Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated? |
A. | By death. | |
Q. | And by whose death was it terminated? | |
12. | Q. | Do you know how far pregnant you are now? |
A. | I'll be three months on November 8. | |
Q. | Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8? | |
A. | Yes. | |
Q. | What were you doing at that time? | |
13. | Q. | Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable? |
A. | I used to be. | |
Q. | How many times have you committed suicide? | |
14. | So you were gone until you returned? | |
15. | Q. |
She had three children, right? |
A. |
Yes. |
|
Q. |
How many were boys? |
|
A. | None. | |
Q. | Were there girls? | |
16. | You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it? | |
17. | Q. |
You say that the stairs went down to the basement? |
A. | Yes. | |
Q. | And these stairs, did they go up also? | |
18. | Q. | Have you lived in this town all your life? |
A. |
Not yet. |
|
19. | A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question." | |
20. | Q. |
Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the Rose Chapel? |
A. | It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m. | |
Q. | And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct? | |
A. | Well, he wasn't sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy! |
2001-05-27 |
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