Bible by Children

Email 2000-09-24

The following statements about the bible were written by children:

• In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.

• Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.

• Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come onto in pears.

• Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.

• The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.

• Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

• The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert.

• Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments.

• The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.

• Moses died before he ever reached Canada.

• Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.

• The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.

• David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

• Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives & 700 porcupines.

• When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

• When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

• Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."

• It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

• The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.

• The epistles were the wives of the apostles.

• One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.

• St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotomy.